Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize