He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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