Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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