guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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