Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
