so that wasnt chicken after all
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
