I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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