whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
