I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
