wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
