And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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