Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
