So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
