Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
