FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
