Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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