That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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