Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
