How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
