Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
