So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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