I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
