she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
