At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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