I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
