I just saw a hot homeless man
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize