I think I won the penis lottery.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
