The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
