the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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