My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
