Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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