Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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