got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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