Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
