I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
