I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
