i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Randomize
