I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
