if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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