THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
