but the lizard people decide everything anyway
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
