Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Plan B is the new Plan A
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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