i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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