You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just puked most of my soul out..
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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