as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
