Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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