Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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