She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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