Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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