I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
