She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
