I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
