yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
