we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
