I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
