the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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