Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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