So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
