Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
