i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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