I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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