Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
