Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
