he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
