I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
