i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
