i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize