Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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