Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My ass is underappreciated
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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