I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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