Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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