Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
