ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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