Kiss
Puke
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
