There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
