Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
