so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
