I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
cat food counts as protein by the way
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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