There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
