38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
