fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wish i was in the wii world.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
