11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
