I'm jealous of your bromance
She said her name was "party"
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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