Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
