fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
