basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
