God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
