New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
