Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
