This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
