Don't EVER smell your tampon
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
