happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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