At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
