We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
