Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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