There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
we made out on top of his cat.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
