he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
