so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize