I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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