TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
