Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(207): View more from Maine

I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.

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(480): View more from Arizona

FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!

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(818): View more from California

hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win

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(708): View more from Illinois

Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing

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(807): View more from Ontario

I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.

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(541): View more from Oregon

I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.

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(917): View more from New York City

Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.

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(407): View more from Florida

With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.

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