I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
