i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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