yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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