just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
