I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
