Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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