I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
