Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
