Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
