I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
