I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
