My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
