I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
