I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize