chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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