No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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