You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
