Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
