Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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