it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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