The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
so much tequila, so little girl.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
